How DSB Helped Me Escape Jury Duty, Part II

So, once I entered the generic "Anytown, USA" court room, I was joined by the 30 other jury selectees, many of them left standing due to the lack of seating. As the tears of boredom still flowed freely the Plaintiff and the Defendant entered the room along with their accompanying attorneys. It was the Plaintiff's attorney that caught my attention. She was H O T!!! Muchas Calore!!

This Attorney who's name is Elvia, was a beautiful Latina, dressed to the nines in a dark blue pin-stripe business suit. She had sweet and confident manner about her, very pretty eyes. As many lovely Latinas often do, she had monster booty - almost in the Jennifer Lopez category (before she got thin and scary). Seeing as I'm the Booty Monster (inspired no doubt by Sesame Street's Cookie Monster, my reaction to monster booty is not unlike the Cookie Monsters reaction to cookies. Q.E.D.) and I've got a wicked case of DSB (Deadly Sperm Buildup - That's a true Zettaism folks), I was instantly in lust.

The attorney for the defendant was doing a Portland-Style Power/Gothic/Dragon Lady thang, and was dressed in all black, very pale skin, black fingernails, with black "mushroom head" hair (ala the secretary from Dilbert). Both were wearing impressive-sized wedding rings. I had the feeling they were real diamonds there.

So, final verdict for the Defendant's Lawyer: Scary; Plaintiff's Lawyer: Hottie!

We were asked a number of questions by each lawyer. The hot Latina lawyer asked questions if the use of interpreters (the defendant was Spanish speaking) was going to be a problem for each juror. There were some filthy racists there. This one woman in particular said that the defendant should speak English and she couldn't, then she had no business being in a court room. I was so ready to cut some brake lines or slash some tires after hearing that crap. Alas, my more pacifist side won out. When I was asked, I of course indicated that I was just fine with the use of interpreters as I often used them in medical practice as my Spanish is "muy mal". The conversation went something like this:

(Totally Hot Latina Lawyer aka THLL):"Oh, you speak Spanish, eh?"
Me: "Oh, just a bit."
THLL: "Any Spanish classes in school?"
Me: 2 Years in Jr. High, a year in High School, about 6 months at a Community College, and Telemundo."
THLL: "Telemundo?" She said with a raised eyebrow.
Me: "Yes, I watch Telemundo"
THLL: "And, what exactly do you watch on Telemundo?"
Me: "The soap operas... er, well the beautiful women really..."

At this point the courtroom erupts in laughter, the Judge shakes his head in a "why me" manner, the Lawyer gives me a little smile, and I'm feeling a bit veklempt in nether region. The plaintiff ( a pleasant, but not partially attractive) Latina is winking at me, while the racist old bitty is giving me the evil eye. I send it back with a cosmic wedgie. That'll show her. The attorney for the defense is looking at me in a way that has weighed and measured me down to the last ounce. The best option at this point is give her one of those infuriating Eddie Haskel grins. After the questioning is finished on both sides, the Attorneys and the Judge step into his chambers to complete the jury selection. Not before the Judge gives me one of those Old Testament looks. I was expect lightening or a good, sound smoting with a look like that.

They return and read the list of the final jurists, and surprise, I'm not on it. Strangely enough the nasty old racist b--ch was, plus the weird twitchy guy in the corner. He'll probably help keep people awake with his fidgeting.

So, that is one way to get out of jury duty, be hot for one (or both) of the attorneys. If that didn't work I was ready to blow kisses at the judge. Probably would of got contempt of court...