How DSB Helped Me Escape Jury Duty

About three weeks ago, I had the dreaded Jury Duty day. It was a Thursday as I recall; I never could get the hang of Thursdays. As I was required to be at the County Courthouse at 7:30 am, I found myself stumbling my way through my morning routine 2 hours earlier than usual. Deciding that public transportation was the most practical means of getting downtown, I began my Urban Warrior Trek to this civic duty.

The bus ride was a typically early morning Portland experience; mostly sleepy office drones making their way to their giant metal and glass hives downtown to pollinate yet another stack of (ultimately) useless paperwork. As required by some obscure city ordinance there was the very loud, and most likely mentally handicapped person who sat in the front seat opposite the driver talking about the sad inanities that matter most to such folk. Half asleep I caught loud ranting phrases such as "...Ella, she's tough, she won't let them get away..." from our friend up front. Looking out a foggy window sitting next to a TPL (Typical Portland Lesbian), I finally found my stop, entered the county courthouse and suffered through the Paranoid Security Renaissance that has swept our nation and has cops everywhere whistling a merry tune as they frisk you and examine your "papers" [add your best Soviet Block Accent here].

Surviving the security's evil eye, I wandered into the Jury Duty room. To its credit they do have comfy chairs to sit in. There were about 120 damned souls suffering through some "Fair and Balanced" fox "news" show. It was there I waited, and waited, read about 20 magazines, and waited, check out the women, and waited... rinse and repeat. As lunch approached it was announced that there would only be two cases being tried that day and they would only need 30 people. I thought for sure I was going to make it out unscathed. The jury clerk, as old as earth itself, read out the names... I was number 29. Damn! A short and tasteless lunch later I reported to the assigned courtroom. That's where the trouble began...

Stay Tuned for Part II - Tomorrow!!!